Non-fiction Self-Help from Healing the Shame...

Healing the Shame That Binds You

Bradshaw, John.  Healing the Shame That Binds You.  Health Communications, Inc.:  Deerfield Beach, Florida, 1988.

It's the rare occasion that finds me reading non-fiction, unless is theology.

With the advice of a favored mentor, I have been reading Healing the Shame that Binds You.  Having only completed the first chapter - because this stuff is so heavy, I will probably be reading this book for the next month - I have two thoughts.

First, I don't like to read non-fiction, self-help.  It's painful because I don't necessarily want to Deal with Things.  It's ponderous because I don't have the same willing-suspension-of-disbelief I find so easy to engage while reading good fiction (honestly, I can suspend away for bad fiction too in a desperate bind).  And it's mind-numbingly Dull lacking heroes, action scenes, a good love connection, and a plot I can follow without having to change my life.

Second, I cannot accept sweeping generalizations or weighted statements that leave me feeling like I missed the last twenty chapters.  Footnotes can be a poor substitute for the substance of the argument that led the author to the statement he or she has just made.

That said, I think there's something here I need to read, ponder, and use to leave behind a past that seems to be a heavier load every year.  My unwillingness to address some of the things that have happened in my life, my inability to be justifiably angry and then get over it, and my attempts to stay busy enough to avoid becoming a truly well and happy person have led me to a place where I feel weak, unable to made good decisions, and constantly worried.

It's time to finish the book.  If it doesn't have all the answers - and it won't - it's a good start.  Shame, after all, is toxic.  John Bradshaw, author, draws a quote from The Road Less Traveled:

The neurotic assumes too much responsibility, the person with a character disorder not enough.  When neurotics are in conflict with the world, they automatically assume that they are at fault.  Whehn those with character disorders are in conflict with the world, they automatically assume the world is at fault.

I always assume I am at fault.

Bradshaw makes an interesting case for why I feel that way.

Still, I know, logically, sometimes I'm at fault.

If Bradshaw cannot tell me how to stop the cycle of shame, maybe one of his footnotes will lead the way.

Saving CeeCee Honeycutt

Saving CeeCee Honeycutt

Hoffman, Beth.  Saving CeeCee Honeycutt.  Penguin Books:  New York, USA, 2010.

Saving CeeCee Honeycutt

Book Description:  Twelve-year-old CeeCee is in trouble.  For years, she's taken care of her mother, Camille, the town's tiara-wearing, lipstick-smeared laughingstock, a woman who is trapped in her long-ago moment of glory as the 1951 Vidalia Onion Queen.  When tragedy strikes, Tootie Caldwell, CeeCee's long-lost great-aunt, comes to the rescue and whisks her away to Savannah.  There, CeeCee is catapulted into a perfumed world of prosperity and Southern eccentricity - one that appears to be run entirely by strong, wacky women.  Both hilarious and heartbreaking, Saving CeeCee Honeycutt charts the journey of an unforgettable girl who loses one mother, but finds many others in the storybook city of Savannah.

See:  http://www.bethhoffman.net/.

Beth Hoffman disappointed me.  She's from OHIO, not the south.  Dammit.  I can usually tell who are the imposters and who are the genuine Southern writers.

I guess, really, that's a good thing.  I love Southern Fiction. 

'Cecelia Rose, I'm taking you to Georgia.  I want you to see what real living is like.  All the women dress so nice.  And the people are kind and friendly - it's so different from how things are here.  (p. 1-2)

Deserted by her weak father, CeeCee manages the worst of her mother's progressing mental illness pragmatically.  After giving her mother a bath and putting her to bed at the age of twelve, CeeCee cleans the mess her mother'd left in the kitchen.  'After filling a bucket with hot soapy water, I scrubbed the macaroni and cheese off the stovetop, then I stood on a chair and wiped down the cupboard doors.  There was nothing to be done with the scorched pan, so I tossed it in the garbage.  Once I'd cleaned everything up, I got down on my knees, reached behind the stove and pulled the plug from the outlet.  From now on  Momma could eat cold sandwiches unless I was home to keep an eye on things.' (p. 20)

While visiting Oletta's Aunt Sapphire, CeeCee meets an old lady:  "One old lady with deep suffering eyes reached her hand through the metal rails surrounding her bed, spread her bony fingers, and begged me to take her home.  It was the saddest five seconds of my life. (p. 177).

While playing Chinese checkers with the old ladies, CeeCee encounters a problem:  "I tried not to smile as I gathered the marbles.  After counting them out by color and placing them into the holes, I looked at Sapphire and shrugged.  'There aren't enough.' 

Miz Obee's face tensed, but Sapphire looked at her friend kindly, patted the table, and said, 'Just set up the board as best you can.  We'll play with whatever we got.'

I thought that was one of the wisest things I'd ever heard anyone say. (p. 180)

As I watched this silent exchange between Sapphiree and Miz Obee, it occurred to me that that's what friends should do: cherish the good and pretend not to notice the harmless rest.  (p.181)

As I watched all the comings and goings and listened to the charming 'Welcome to Savannah's' and heartfelt 'I'm so pleased to meet you's' that dripped like honey from these women's lips, I realized that Southern hospitality not only came from the heart, but was a practiced social art that had been passed down from one generation to the next - like fine silverware or china.  Southerners had a way of doing things that made you feel special, and Mrs. Odell soaked in every drop of the kindness.  (p. 263)

[Momma'd] been more distraught than usual about her life in Ohio and was on a rampage when I got home from school.  After smashing a coffee mug against the refrigerator, whe looked at me and cried, 'Being in the North isn't living - it's absolute hell.  Northerners have no idea what real living means, and they don't know a damn thing about etiquette or hospitality.'

What triggered that outburst I'll never know, but as crazy as Momma sometimes was, I now recognized that her statement held more than a grain of truth. (p. 267).

And as the sweet aroma of the fresh peaches mingled with the sound of their voices, I folded the memory into myself, feeling a peace I'd never before known. (p. 273)

Momma had left this world and set herself free, and in doing so, she had set me free too.  As much as I missed her and wished I could hear her laughter one more time, I believed she was out there in the big bright somewhere, watching me, cheering for me.  Loving me. (p. 306)

Trust Me On This

Trust Me On This
Crusie, Jennifer.  Trust Me On This.  Bantam Books:  New York, USA, 2010.

Trust Me on This (Loveswept)


Book's Description:  Dennie Banks is an investigative reporter chasing down the biggest story of her career.  Alec Prentice is a government agent working undercover to catch an elusive grifter.  When they meet by accident, it's a case of mistaken identities at first sight.  What they don't mistake is the instant attraction they have for each other, an attraction they'll do everything in their power to resist -- because Dennie thinks that Alec is running interference for her interview subject, and Alec suspects that Dennie is linked to his swindler.  As the confusion grows, so do their feelings for each other, and what begins as a romantic comedy of errors may just end in the love affair of a lifetime.

See http://www.bantamdell.com/

Trust Me On This is authored by Jennifer Crusie, who has a delightful "Jenny Info" page on her website telling her "how I became a writer" story.  Her books often depict strong female characters who maintain their own identity, even after falling in love with a strong and understanding male character.  (Ahem.)  To see more of what she's written, navigate around her website from the "Jenny Info" link I posted earlier.

Crusie's title is a catchy summation of her romantic story line.  The main characters, Dennie and Alec, have little trust in each other, each assuming the other presents a roadblock to professional goals.  The tension created by their inaccurate reading of each other falls short of thrilling, but it does create incredibly ridiculous situations.

Alec attends his aunt's seminar at her invitation and because he suspects a criminal he's hunting will appear at the seminar to fleece naive and trusting college professors.  Dennie attends to meet the same professors, but her goal is not to stop a crime; she wants to report the truth about the failed marriage of a reputable marriage expert.  Said marriage expert contributes a new twist to the story when she, annoyed with Dennie and the demise of her own marriage, accuses Dennie of stalking.

Alec and Dennie meet the day they arrive at the seminar and each engages in behavior fueling the other's suspicion.  Yet, as in any romance worthy of the label, neither can deny the strong pull of attraction to the other.  Alec's aunt and boss find themselves with the same sort of attraction to each other, and resolve it much more quickly than the younger couple. 

Ultimately proving to be two of my favorite characters, Alec's aunt Vic and boss Harry, conclude their affaire de coeur with their own O. Henry-Gift of Love moment.  If only all stories could end so well!

Alec and Dennie manage to achieve a happy ending for themselves, but not before Dennie realizes she's always taken the safe route, the road most traveled, and decides she cannot commit to a relationship with Alec until she proves she can successfully maintain her own independence.  You go, girl!

I read this book as a welcome-home gift to myself when we returned from our 20th anniversary trip to Hawaii Sunday.  While certainly not a mentally taxing read, I enjoyed the novel.  The characters are entertaining and the plot a bit silly.  It was exactly what I needed to reenter life in Minnesota.

Happy reading.
★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆ (5 of 10 stars)

Book Review Goal

Though I managed to meet my book reading goal in 2010, I fell short of my blog-about-it goal.  Most often I simply ran out of time to write reviews.  Reading and finishing (and then starting more) a number of books concurrently poses something of an organizational problem when considering an official review of the material.  And truth is, some of the fun material I read doesn't merit a careful review.  Still, I wouldn't give up my fluff reading; it keeps me centered.

For 2011, I have a different goal.  I will keep reading.  Once a week, I will write about something I've read.  I'm not going to save the writing for the loftier titles.  I'm going to write about whichever work is most fresh in my mind when I sit at the keyboard. 

I don't want to write book reports, sharing plot and character descriptions before outlining the main ideas in 500 words or less.  Instead, I want to write a solid review, including the key points, the strengths and weaknesses of the work, and my own opinion of it.  My goal is to write between 500 and 750 words offering a sneak peak at what the book is like, whether I enjoyed it, and including purchase information.

Most reviewers also include information about the author (who is he or she, what has he or she written, has he or she garnered any awards, and what is his or her style), the genre (fiction, non-fiction, romance, poetry, etc.), and the title (how it relates to the work, is it interesting or not).  There may be discussions of characters, themes, arguments and key ideas, and/or some relevant quotes from or about the work.

That, then, is my goal.  I will read and I will review. 

Gives me a little tingle of excitement.

The 2010 List

Well.  I completed part of my goal.  I read more than 200 books, fiction and non-fiction.  The blogging part was an epic fail.  I discover I'm proud of the success and okay with the fail.  The success feels good like all successes do.  The fail means I have a new goal for 2011, and this one will be more about quality reading and writing than quantity. 

Here's my list of 210 books I read - or reread - in 2010. 

1 Kings - Old Testament

1 Maccabees - Old Testament

1 Samuel - Old Testament

2 Kings - Old Testament

2 Samuel - Old Testament

6th Target, The - Patterson, James

8th Confession, The - Patterson, James

90 Minutes in Heaven - Piper, Don with Cecil Murphey

Accidental Wedding, The - Gracie, Anne

Acts of the Apostles - New Testament

Affair - Quick, Amanda

Again the Magic - Kleypas, Lisa

American Patriot's Almanac, The - Bennett, William J and John TE Cribb

Angel Experiment, The - Patterson, James

Angel Falls - Hannah, Kristin

Anyway, the Paradoxical Commandments - Keith, Kent

Art of the St John's Bible - Sink, Susan

At Last Comes Love - Balogh, Mary

Believe - Alexander, Victoria

Big Jack - Robb, J D

Bittersweet Rain - Brown, Sandra

Black Notice - Cornwell, Patricia

Blonde with a Wand - Thompson, Vicki Lewis

Breath of Snow and Fire - Gabaldon, Diana

Bridal Quest, The - Mikels, Jennifer

Bride With No Name - Ferrarella, Marie

Captive Heart, The - Small, Beatrice

Cattus Petasatus - Seuss, Doctore

Ceremony in Death - Robb, J D

Certain Girls - Weiner, Jennifer

Change in Altitude, A - Shreve, Anita

Charmed and Enchanted - Roberts, Nora

Chasing Harry Winston - Weisberger, Lauren

Christmas Brides, The - Miller, Linda Lael

Chronicles of the Crusades - Joinville and Villehardouin

City of Bones - Clare, Cassandra

Cleopatra's Daughter - Moran, Michelle

Courtesan's Scandal, A - London, Julia

Cross - Patterson, James

Crusader Gold - Gibbins, David

Crusades, The - Allen, SJ and Emilie Amt, editors

Dancing in the Moonlight - Thayne, RaeAnne

Dark is Rising, The - Cooper, Susan

Dark Surrender - Blayne, Diana

Darkness More Than Night, A - Connelly, Michael

DaVinci Code, The - Brown, Dan

Days of Gold - Deveraux, Jude

Dead Sea Scrolls, The - Science Museum of Minnesota

Deep Magic - Nash, Joy

Divine Mercy, The - Devotion

Dragon Heir, The - Chima, Cinda Williams

Dragonfly in Amber - Gabaldon, Diana

Drum's of Autumn, The - Gabaldon, Diana

Early Dawn - Michaels, Fern

Echo in the Bone, An - Gabaldon, Diana

Elusive Bride, The - Laurens, Stephanie

Enemy's Daughter, The - Turner, Linda

Entranced - Roberts, Nora

Eragon - Paolini, Christopher

Eventide - Haruf, Kent

Exile, The - Gabaldon, Diana

Expectant Secretary, The - Wilson, Leanna

Ezra - Old Testament

Family Tree - Delinsky, Barbara

Fateful Choice, A - Lee, Rachel

Feast for Crows, A - Martin, George RR

Fiery Cross, The - Gabaldon, Diana

First Comes Marriage - Balogh, Mary

Five Love Languages, The - Chapman, Gary

Flannery, A Life - Gooch, Brad

Food at the Time of the Bible - Vamosh, Miriam Feinberg

Four Seasons of Marriage - Chapman, Gary

Girlfriends' Getaway - Laing, Kathleen and Elizabeth Butterfield

Glory in Death - Robb, J D

Good Man is Hard to Find - O'Connor, Flannery

Grand Opening - Hassler, Jon

Haley's Cabin - Rainey, Anne

Handful of Gold, A - Balogh, Mary

Healing a Broken Heart - W, Kathleen

Help, The - Stockett, Kathryn

Hired Bride - Merritt, Jackie

His Lady Mistress - Rolls, Elizabeth

His Majesty's Dragon - Novik, Naomi

Höflich und Fair, Comenius - Kaiser, Lothar

Holiday Grind - Coyle, Cleo

Holiday in Death - Robb, J D

Homespun Bride - Hart, Jillian

Hot Rocks - Roberts, Nora

House Rules - Picoult, Jodi

Household Guide to Dying, The - Adelaide, Debra

How to Meditate - McDonald, Kathleen

How to Talk Minnesotan - Mohr, Howard

Immortal in Death - Robb, J D

Inkspell - Funke, Cornelia

Innocent Man, The - Grisham, John

Interlude in Death - Robb, J D

Irish Country Girl, An - Taylor, Patrick

Irresistible Forces - Jackson, Brenda

Joshua - Old Testament

Journey to the Well - Taylor, Diana Wallis

Judges - Old Testament

Julie and Julia - Powell, Julie

Kindergeschicten - Bichsel, Peter

Kitchen House, The - Grissom, Kathleen

Knight of Pleasure - Mallory, Margaret

Knight's Vow, A - Townsend, Lindsay

Lady Never Tells, A - Camp, Candace

Last Song, The - Sparks, Nicholas

Lavender Morning - Deveraux, Jude

Least Likely Bride, The - Feather, Jane

Legacy of the Force Betrayal - Allston, Aaron

Letter to my Daughter - Angelou, Maya

Lost Tomb, The - Biggins, David

Love in the Afternoon - Kleypas, Lisa

Luke - New Testament

Mackenzie's Heroes - Howard, Linda

Maiden's Hand, The - Wiggs, Susan

Marry in Haste - Smith, Karen Rose

Mary Mary - Patterson, James

Meditating with Mandalas - Fontana, David

Message in the Bottle, The - Percy, Walker

Midnight in Death - Robb, J D

Mini Shopaholic - Kinsella, Sophie

Minneapolis St Paul, A Photo Tour of the Twin Cities - Felsen, Gregg

Mistress of the Monarchy - Weir, Alison

Murderer's Daughters, The - Meyers, Randy Susan

Mystery on the Great Lakes, The - Marsh, Carole

Naked in Death - Robb, J D

Nanny Returns - McLaughlin, Emma and Nicola Kraus

Nehemiah - Old Testament

New History of the Crusades, The - Madden, Thomas F.

No Rest for the Wiccan - Alt, Madelynn

Not "Just Friends" - Glass, Dr. Shirley

Now and Forever - Steel, Danielle

Olive Kitteridge - Stout, Elizabeth

On the Street Where You Live - Clark, Mary Higgins

Once in a Lifetime - Kelly, Cathy

One Last Dance - Goudge, Eileen

Opposites Attract - Chances - Roberts, Nora

Outlander - Gabaldon, Diana

Pagan Stone, The - Roberts, Nora

Paranoia - Finder, Joseph

Perdido Street Station - Mieville, China

Perfect Wife, The - Alexander, Victoria

Pillars of the Earth - Follett, Ken

Plum Lovin' - Evanovich, Janet

Prize, The - Joyce, Brenda

Queen's Lady, The - Kyle, Barbara

Rachel & Leah, Women of Genesis - Card, Orson Scott

Ranger's Apprentice, Book Eight - Flanagan, John

Ranger's Apprentice, Book Five - Flanagan, John

Ranger's Apprentice, Book Four - Flanagan, John

Ranger's Apprentice, Book One - Flanagan, John

Ranger's Apprentice, Book Seven - Flanagan, John

Ranger's Apprentice, Book Six - Flanagan, John

Ranger's Apprentice, Book Three - Flanagan, John

Ranger's Apprentice, Book Two - Flanagan, John

Rapture in Death - Robb, J D

Ravishing in Red - Hunter, Madeline

Rebekah, Women of Genesis - Card, Orson Scott

Red Mars - Robinson, Kim Stanley

Rescue - Shreve, Anita

Santa Cruise - Clark, Mary Higgins and Carol Higgins Clark

Sarah, Women of Genesis - Card, Orson Scott

Sara's Song - Michaels, Fern

Saving CeeCee Honeycutt - Hoffman, Beth

Saving Faith - Baldacci, David

Savor the Moment - Roberts, Nora

Say Goodbye - Gardner, Lisa

Scandalous - Camp, Candace

Season for Suitors, The - Cornick, Nicola

Second Coming, The - Percy, Walker

Seduce Me at Sunrise - Kleypas, Lisa

Seducing an Angel - Balogh, Mary

Seduction in Death - Robb, J D

Septimus Heap Book Two: Flyte - Sage, Angie

Shack, The - Young, William P.

Shotgun Vows - Southwick, Teresa

Silver Wedding - Binchy, Maeve

Sleeping Arrangements - Wickham, Madeline

Snowbound - Johnson, Janice Kay

Sold to a Laird - Ranney, Karen

Space Between Us, The - Umrigar, Thrity

Spring of the Tiger, The - Holt, Victoria

Start with Me - Seaton, Michael

Stirring Up Strife - Stanley, Jennifer

Stranded with a Spy - Lovelace, Merline

Sweet Captivity - Proctor, Kate

Then Comes Seduction - Balogh, Mary

This Ravaged Heart - Riefe, Barbara

This Wicked Gift - Milan, Courtney

To Love and Protect her - Watson, Margaret

Together Alone - Delinsky, Barbara

Touching Wonder - Blase, John

Trust Me on This - Crusie, Jennifer

Unexplored Paris - Trouilleux, Rodolphe

Unveiled - Cook, Kristina

Vengeance in Death - Robb, J D

Very Special Delivery, A - Goodnight, Linda

Viking in Love - Hill, Sandra

Voyager - Gabaldon, Diana

Walking Twin Cities - Day, Holly and Sherman Wick

Warrior Heir, The - Chima, Cinda Williams

Wedding Game, The - Feather, Jane

Wedding Girl, The - Wickham, Madeline

White Queen, The - Gregory, Philippa

Wicked Appetite - Evanovich, Janet

Will and a Way, A - Roberts, Nora

Winnie-the-Pooh - Milne, A A

Witch & Wizard - Patterson, James and Gabrielle Charbonnet

Wizard Heir, The - Chima, Cinda Williams

Hurray me!

Where Authors and Composers Meet

I've been thinking about a book I read long ago by Walker Percy, The Message in the Bottle, subtitled How Queer Man is, How Queer Language is, and What One Has to Do with the Other.  In his collection of essays, Percy writes about what he sees as the conclusion of the modern age and the dawning of a new, as-yet-unnamed age.

The essays open with rhetorical questions...

Why do people feel bad in an age when they have accumulated the wealth necessary to satisfy their needs? 

Why do people feel bad in an age when they have discovered the technology to make over the world for their own use?

Why have people entered an orgy of war, murder, torture, and self-destruction unparalleled in history?

Why have people done so in the very century when they had hoped to see the dawn of universal peace and harmony?

What do people do when they find themselves living after an age has ended?

How do people undertsand themselves when the theories of the former age no longer work and the theories of the new age are not yet known?

How do people function when everything is upside down, people feeling bad when they should feel good, good when they should feel bad?

Written in 1975, the book addresses a problem artists still consider:  why are people so unhappy in an age when we know better, have better, and achieve better than we have at any time in history.

A Christian music group, Love and Theft, asks the same question Percy does in their song Dancing in Circles.

I don't understand why we do what we do to each other.
According to His word, we're all born sisters and brothers.
But we lie and we steal, we fight and we kill,
Even though we know the way...

All through the ages, we've tried to share this world together.
Turning the pages, pretending we'll live here forever.
But we'll have to face our maker someday,
And reap what we've sown all the way...

And we know how, so why can't we just get it right
I pray someday we'l overcome all the damage we've done
And we'll fly!

Why do we go dancing in circles when we know it never ends?
We come so close to loving each other and then...
We go dancing in circles again.

We ought to be doing better.

Even the artists know it.

And this is the basis for the Lenten show I've written for next Spring.  We know better. 

Viking in Love by Sandra Hill

Sandra Hill, I love you.

I love you because you gave me fluff and silly when I needed both.

Want hot fluff and a portrait of how relationships happen?  Read this book.

Want scholarly, scientific discussion and "theology."  Read a bunch of stuff.

Want to escape today for a few hours?  Read this book.

Want to work to read?  Read a bunch of stuff.

I loved this book.  I giggled.  I sighed.

And I don't care what that says about me.

Not even a little bit.